This afternoon I’m on the porch of 4 East Third. There’s more traffic noise here, obviously, but otherwise things are pretty quiet. The boys are upstairs watching TV. Andy and I just finished a game of catch, my throwing him pop-ups that he had to catch without stepping beyond the sidewalk that runs between the side of the house and the garage. Earlier in the afternoon, I took a ride on Dale’s bike around the east side of Warren, and then north on the bike-hike trail to the State Hospital in North Warren and back. My butt was very sore when I finished. I think the seat is a little too high, even for my long legs. I started reading Sara Paretsky’s latest book, Ghost Country, not one of the V. I. Warshawski series. After four chapters, I’m ready to put it aside. I find the writing style very irritating. It’s as if Paretsky is trying too hard to do something different. I was going to look for a better read at the Book Rack during my bike ride, but the store closes at 1:00 on Wednesday.

Barb has been working on various projects around the hose. She recently finished the downstairs bathroom, stripping off the busy wallpaper that I always thought was such an odd choice for such a small room, painting it a color that’s hard to describe (it’s not an off-white, more of a cream and beige blend) and then adding a border where the walls and the cupboards meet the ceiling. She’s currently repainting the front porch and her fastidious approach to this project will probably keep her busy with it through the end of the month. She also cleaned and repainted the walls leading from the kitchen to the basement but is still working on the steps. What she is doing around the house is certainly not frivolous. They are long overdue projects that Dad never tackled when he was healthy and Mom would never have the interest in or energy for. The bathroom looks much improved, especially with the new washer and dryer, which have an almost aerodynamic design. What I can’t figure out is why she wants to continue to live her life in semi-seclusion. It’s not like she can’t get along with people. Lynn just stopped by with Scottie and Marisa, and she and Lynn had what sounded like a pleasant, unforced conversation for 15 minutes. Scottie’s here while Lynn takes Marisa to the dentist. Barb just tried to get the boys to play outside, but Andy and Eddie are such drones right now.

Andy complained of having a sore throat yesterday so I bought him some lozenges. It’s better now, he says, but after two different symptoms in two days (a headache on Monday), I’m keeping close tabs on his well-being.

It’s only Wednesday, but already it feels as though I’ve been here for a week. That both is and isn’t a complaint, depending upon which part of my brain I stroll through.

Look forward to seeing you on Monday.

Thursday, December 12, 1991

I drive Andy to daycare, then make an appearance at the library before attending the RFP Committee meeting at Monona.  On the drive back to Middleton, I reconsider my hunger for music tapes and wonder if a diet of books on tape would be more nourishing.

I take Eddie to the doctor -- the little guy's in great shape -- and then make another brief appearance at the library, a questionable one since I don't have to do anything.

Andy's a little bit moody on the drive home.  He gets upset when I tell him I threw away the baggy of Turtle cookies.

He's fine during our half-hour wait for a table at Red Lobster, then starts to act up again shortly after we are seated.  Eddie, too, is getting fussy as it is way past his usual dinnertime.  I'm on the verge of leaving, but then we all settle into a pleasingly calm evening together.  I still can't find that much to say to Barb.  I'm certainly not going to tell her how ecstatic I will be once she is on an airplane for home.

Andy and I attempt to reprise our previous evening of fun, but without the spontaneity, it doesn't reach the level of a very special shared time.

November 23, 1991

It only seems like I have no time to relax today since I combine my chores with a review of my record collection.  The actual vinyl, folks.  I'm attempting to eliminate my dust collectors, and during the past few days, I've found at least a dozen.  In some cases, though, I'm re-recording tunes on a fresh Maxell with a different group of accompanying tunes.

During the a.m. I drive to Sears Homelife store to pick up our back-ordered coffee table.  When I return, JoAnna informs me that she asked Barb to leave the kitchen so she and Andy could have some time alone together.  Barb spends most of the rest of the day secluded in her room.  I had noticed her intrusiveness before I left for Sears, her sitting in the kitchen as if to keep an eye on us so we wouldn't dash off somewhere without her.  JoAnna suggested we visit Dennis and Jan in Oshkosh.  Barb's reaction is positive. "I wouldn't mind visiting Oshkosh before I leave.  You'll have to let me use the van to visit Menomonie Park. All of a sudden I have even less interest in this trip.

Three weeks to go.

JoAnna and I take Andy and Eddie to the 3:30 showing of "Beauty and the Beast at Point 10 Cinema. We're in the front row, an in-your-face movie experience.  A good family outing, though.  As we are driving home, Andy talks about seeing the movie again.

While Barb still keeps to herself, the rest of us have a pizza party in the TV room.  Andy chooses to watch "Home Alone", which I'm starting to know by memory scene by scene.

November 19, 1991

I throw Barb's Tuesday schedule out of whack by keeping the washer and dryer in use for half the morning.  I also venture into the back yard to rack some leaves, though about 1/3 of the fenced-in area remains covered.  Agonizing over the conditions of some parts of the exterior of the house, I wipe off some mildew but decide against a more ambitious washing.  Just as well.  It starts raining shortly after 11.

It's a relatively slow evening at the reference desk.  No major incidents to report:  no cellular phone rudeness, no toddlers wandering into the lobby unobserved by inattentive moms, no pizza parties. Sometimes I wonder if it isn't time to take stock of my accomplishments and consider some career alternatives.

November 17, 1991

At Andy's request, I sleep on JoAnna's side of the bed, but he still sprawls all over the place.  Barb goes shopping in the a.m.  Getting her out of the house is a relief, as well as a preview of what life will be like in less than a month.   I take the boys out during part of a rainy afternoon.  We check out the new Best Buy store at West Towne where I buy another cassette storage rack.  At KMart we shop for household odds and ends. 

The main course for supper is an overseasoned meat loaf.  Way too much pepper.  The recipe wasn't real clear:  1/4 c. pepper, finely chopped.  Green pepper?  White pepper?  Red pepper? 

Eddie is a mess; he goes straight from the high chair to the bathtub.  Barb figures she's doing me a big favor by cleaning up the kitchen and even attempts to fish for a compliment.  I'm fit to be tied; it's a good thing  I'm feeding Eddie a bottle.  So Barb, I rage to myself, how about a thank for dinner (even though the meat loaf was ruined)?

By the time I need to leave to pick up JoAnna at the airport, Andy's much too wound up for bed, so I take him along.  We have some extra time, which is why I take the Beltline instead of County M.  JoAnna is thrilled to see Andy, and I'm pleased to have my wife back home.  Once we're in bed, we make wonderful love.

November 10, 1991

JoAnna and I shared a conversation about religion a week ago.  She confesses a need to go to church; I'm still at the opposite end of the religious spectrum.  Attending church is a chore.  In the meantime, what do we do about the boys.  To this point, nothing.

Barb continues to be as intrusive as ever.  This morning she briefly joins us for a pancake breakfast.  Once again she has made no plans to escape the confines of the house, outside of a walk around the immediate neighborhood.

As we are driving to the Square, JoAnna and I comment on the fact that Barb has never gone to the Capitol during her visit here, never walked State Street, never explored the variety of what Madison has to offer.

It's an insinuatingly cold day for a parade.  A determined snowfall sends Eddie and I back to the van after about 2/3s of the parade has passed.  It's nice to return to the comfort of our home.  While JoAnna shops for boots for the boys and the boys nap, I start supper:  fried chicken, noodles, green beans.  A great meal, the first time I've used Bisquick to coat the chicken.

By the time JoAnna and I have some time to spend together, I crash big time.  Nothing rouses me out of an immediate deep sleep.

November 9, 1991

Barb is up surprisingly early.  The reason is obvious.  She's made an appointment to have her hair done.  The rest of us to out to Perkins for breakfast.  Eddie is an absolute angel.  He chows down on pancakes and sits in his high chair looking cute.

Later in the morning JoAnna has a meeting with Dick Wagner, and Barb spends about an hour in front of the bathroom mirror redoing her hair.  Why does she have this obsession with her appearance?  She never goes anywhere.  Besides herself, who is she trying to look good for?

I do the laundry, clean out and reorganize the bathroom closet (once that room is free), and transport the rotting pumpkins on the front stoop to the compost pile in the back yard.

We have company for supper:  Larry and Martha and Michael, Chris and Diane.   We play the 60s version of Trivial Pursuit and call it an evening shortly after 9.  Not that many years ago, I'd just be warning up to a night of sheepshead, which would probably go to 1 or 2 or sometimes 3 a.m.  There's a one-word explanation for the major lifestyle change:  parenthood.

November 17, 1991

Had to be in an unthinking rush to make this embarrassing blunder

At Andy's request, I sleep on JoAnna's side of the bed, but he still sprawls all over the place.  Barb goes shopping in the a.m.  Getting her out of the house is a relief as well as an enjoyable preview of what life will be like in less than a month.  I take the boys out during part of a rainy afternoon. We check out the new Best Buy store near West Towne where I buy another cassette storage rack. At KMart we shop for household odds and ends.

The main course for supper is an overseasoned meat loaf, way too much pepper.  The recipe wasn't real clear:  1/4 c. pepper.  finely chopped.  Green pepper?  Red pepper?  White pepper?

Eddie is a mess; he goes straight from the high chair to the bathtub.  Barb figures she's doing me a big favor by cleaning up the kitchen and even attempts to fish for a compliment.  I'm fit to be tied. It's a good things I'm feeding Eddie a bottle.  So Barb, I rage to myself, how about a thank you for dinner (even if the meat loaf was ruined.)

By the time I leave to pick up JoAnna at the airport, Andy's much too wound up for bed, so I take him along.  We have some extra time which is why I take the Beltline instead of County Highway M. JoAnna is thrilled to see Andy, and I'm pleased to have my wife back home.  Once we're in bed, we make wonderful love.

October 8, 1991

I spend the morning at home, reading, taping, wishing Barb weren't here so this house could give up its dormitory feel.  The countdown is now under the three-month mark.

The furnace guy stops by around 11.  He discovers a dangerously plugged-up unit.  That tongue of flame I discovered at the end of last year's heating season was due to a clogged flue.

I don't have a very productive afternoon; I'm too busy thinking about how my presentation to the Finance Committee will go.  I get my points across, but my gut feeling is that this is not a year for staff increases.  

The board meets at 6, and the major agenda item is the endowment policy.  The rest of the evening is relatively slow.

I read and watch the last few innings of the AL playoff game once I get home.

October 5, 1991

Andy sleeps in the middle of the bed for the most part, which doesn't do too much to cramp my sleeping style, fortunately.  Eddie wakes up early so there is no opportunity to sleep in.  I fix pancakes for breakfast and hope that Barb will keep herself holed up in the guest room -- I really do emphasize that word nowadays -- until we three boys clear ourselves out of the kitchen.  It's not to be, but I put on a happy face anyway.

At 10:30 we go grocery shopping.  Barb accompanies us, taking advantage of a (rare) opportunity to get out of the house.  And so her rotting life goes.

I try to spend some time with Rabbit at Rest during the afternoon.  I also make a special trip alone to Brennan's to buy a sirloin tip roast (dinner) and a pound of shrimp for a possible appetizer.  I try to call JoAnna on her car phone to see if a deluxe dinner without guests is warranted.  She is either out of range or the power button is off.  I go ahead with my plans.  Dinner is superb.  The roast is done more medium than medium-rare -- but I was only following the Time-Life cookbook instruction.  Along with the meat course, I prepare boiled red potatoes, spaghetti squash and broccoli.  Am I a catch or what!  I even clean up afterwards.  JoAnna is very tired, but I manage to read 30 pages of my favorite author's latest book before dozing off.

August 22, 1991

When I get to the library, the sprinkler guy is already there.  Fortunately, Mark is also there and was able to let him into the library to do the inspection.  I punch *1234 on the security system keypad as soon as I walk in the door and the 09 code disappears immediately.

I work until 10, when I decide to take a few hours off.  I stop by the mall to look for a cassette that has "Chapel of Love" on it.  I end up spending $28 on 4 tapes.

At home, I juggle four or five things at once:  laundry, taping, preparing a macaroni salad, watering the plants.   Again I pick up Andy at daycare.

While grilling hamburgers, I get into a heated discussion with Barb about -- oh, just about everything that bothers me about her.  It's an ugly and unnecessary scene, but for some reason I just have to release some steam.

July 25, 1991

Everyone's on vacation today, and this family outing even includes Barb.  As we are leaving Middleton, though, her road construction comment makes me wonder if it's going to be a long day. We stop for breakfast in Prairie du Sac (Eagle's Nest) and arrive at Circus World Museum around 10:30, in time for the 11 o'clock Big Top show. We wander around the grounds a bit before going to Devil's Lake.  We see very little of the sun and, consequently, spend little time in the water. After a round of miniature golf, we head for home.  The boys sleep for most of the trip, and there's hardly a peep out of the rest of us.  I do chores once we get home.

July 24, 1991

Andy's ready for a vacation, too.  We get a late start due to the fact that I don't have a key to the van.  JoAnna makes a special delivery.  While we're waiting, Andy sits on my lap at the kitchen table and we play "War" and "Candyland".  I know I won't be able to stomach Barb today, so the boys and I leave her behind.  I think she was expecting to accompany us.  Why?  She got dressed for a change.  Andy and I play miniature golf and then we join Mom for a picnic on the Capitol lawn.  Andy takes me on a walk to the pet store on State Street, giving me a thorough guided tour inside.  We stop at JoAnna's office to pick up Eddie to return home, as I had planned it, but Andy insists that we go to the zoo.  We have a great time there; both boys are angels.  By the time we return home, they are sound asleep.  Later in the evening, we cook hamburgers on the grill.

June 4, 1991

Barb must think I have the morning off, because when I need to use the bathroom, she's taking a shower.  I am annoyed.  JoAnna leaves for work early, so I need to drive Andy to daycare and myself to Baraboo for the SCLS Advisory meeting.  I'm a few minutes late, but not enough to miss out on taking minutes.  I decide to work a split day since weather conditions are good for washing the mildew off the exterior of the house.  And here I thought I had taken care of the problem last year.  How disconcerting to discover its reappearance.  I spend most of the evening typing up the minutes for Advisory.  All these Dane County concerns.  JoAnna's not home when I return.  The boys are in the TV room watching baseball (Mets vs. Reds) with Auntie Barbara.  I feed Eddie and watch a different baseball game.  The boys are still up when JoAnna returns at 10:30.

May 23, 1991

Where are my keys?  I search the house.  I even call the motel in La Crosse where I stayed Tuesday night.  In order for me to be able to get to my destination, JoAnna has to send me her car key by cab.  It arrives shortly after 9, which still gives me plenty of time to reorganize my boxes, drop off a couple of hats at daycare, and set up the books for my presentation at Madison Public, which goes well and fills up my allotted 90 minutes.  I take a stroll down State Street to run a few errands before returning to Middleton.  I have three extra copies of my car, house, and library keys made.  I buy JoAnna an anniversary card -- but no gift.  No time right now, I say to myself, I can do it tomorrow morning.  The afternoon at the library is spent playing catch-up, organizing my desk.  JoAnna has an evening meeting, so I do laundry -- at least what Barb hasn't already done.  She even mowed the lawn.

May 5, 1991

Compared to yesterday, a lousy day.  It rains most of the time.  JoAnna wants to go furniture shopping in the afternoon.  We both like to go without Barb but are too courteous to simply say, "See ya, we're going out now."  Then we sit in the van for five minutes while Barb prepares herself for public inspection.  Our first stop is Sears Homelife Store on the Beltline, where we find an upholstered chair that will nicely complement the sofa and love seat we bought a Rubin's last year.  We also take a stroll through West Towne Mall, spending most of our time in the food court.  Andy has ice cream first and then a hot dog.  Barb is nowhere to be found when we return to the van.  I find her sitting on one of the benches at the entrance to Sears.  "You must have gone right by me.  I've been sitting here for a half hour."  Yeah, right, Twyla, in that pink jacket, how could I have missed you.

April 26, 1991

What is planned to be a half day extends into the latter half of the afternoon.  I rethink my workload organization system and decide to use a simply manila folder with papers and other documents arranged in priority order.  My reason for staying longer than planned is to give myself time to write up a cover memo to accompany the Automation Task Force membership agreement.  Before running some errands, I drop these off at the SCLS office.  Then I cash my check, buy a copy of Billboard and Variety and the Village Voice at Pic-a Book, take care of my underwear needs at Penney's, and stock up on beer at Apollo.  The evening is uneventful, except for Barb's occasional incursions into our bedroom.  When the weekend comes, I would just like her to blend in with the furniture.  What a mean brother.

April 14, 1991

Another lousy day.  We don't even venture outside.  Being cooped up like this makes me realize how intrusive Barb's presence can be.  She doesn't seem to understand that sometimes she can't be part of the family unit.  I continue to tape 60s rock and roll and organize my desk area and feel stupid about how I brushed JoAnna off last night. 

April 8, 1991

A typical morning.  The newspaper column, then a review of my ETN notes.  I stay late, later than planned, actually, since Liz goes home sick at 6.  For the next 45 minutes, we are inundated with a flood of people.  Amazing!   JoAnna decides to attend a parents meeting at Kids Play.  Andy and I watch the Brewers on TV.  While I'm feeding Eddie, though, he joins Auntie Barbara in the playroom.

March 9, 1991

JoAnna makes pancakes for breakfast and continues to lobby for a furniture rearrangement.  Sometimes I think she just wants to limit the traffic flow in the house so as to avoid prolonged contact with Barb.  Not a bad idea, if I may say so myself.

After a visit to Techline, where we decide that $578 is within our budget, JoAnna drops me off at the library where I await a group tour from Waupaca.  A former student of mine at Oshkosh is among the group.  Naturally, I can't remember his name.

Back home, JoAnna suggests we paint the bedroom, but all I can do is growl at her.  Later on, I agree it's the perfect Sunday project.  A slow night, TV-style, follows.